When you visit a new town or city, one of the best places to get an understanding of the place is to visit its local food markets. Whether it’s fruits or vegetables, meats or fish, grains or spices, you learn a lot about a place by what people eat. When we first moved to Alexandria, Egypt in 2015, we would take our then preschooler by tram to El Raml station and walk through the maze of streets in the old city filled with colorful clothing shops, antique furniture stores, pharmacies (so many pharmacies!) and beautiful historic coffee houses with high ceilings and art-covered walls that put chain stores to shame.
But far more fun than exploring the shops, we especially loved strolling through Alexandria’s markets. You can find anything you want in an Egyptian market, but we most loved looking at all the food–everything from gigantic heads of lettuce to a huge variety of dates, pots of ful (cooked fava bean stew) to shelves of freshly baked flat bread, and sacks filled with rice, pasta, tea leaves, spices and many other goodies.
On one particular weekend afternoon while we chosing some fruits and vegetables to buy, we found our son doing some full-on exploring, digging his hands right into those big white sacks and pulling out treasures like the differently shaped pasta pieces you see in this picture above. Thankfully no one minded that he did this; among the many benefits of markets over supermarkets is that they’re more organic and therefore more kid-friendly.
Walking through the often narrow sidewalks of streets, however, we quickly learn that streets provide a very different reality than the winding pedestrian passageways of markets. Often very noisy and neither kind nor clean, streets can be downright ugly, especially for the people who, for many different reasons, live and sleep there. From very young children to war veterans, and with a disproportionate number of persons with disabilities, there are far too many people around the world who end up living on the streets, their stories untold and their existence ignored. But today I want to share an encounter with someone my son and I met on Syria Street in Alexandria 5 years ago, a story that lasted only a minute but that I’ll never forget.
As my son and I were walking home from the sea one day after school, we saw a woman sitting on the sidewalk next to the busy street. On one side of her people were stuck in the usual traffic, on the other people were walking by. As we got closer, I could see that the woman was extending her hand, asking for money.
When we reached the same spot on the sidewalk and were walking directly across from her, Kai suddenly stopped. He took her hand in his and began to shake it. I looked down as this happened, and before I could smile, I could see that she already was. She kept his hand in hers for a good 15 to 20 seconds, and it seemed she didn’t want to let go. I could see her whole face light up, a big full smile on her weathered but beautiful face. The moment was just lovely, even if Kai started to look a bit uncomfortable just standing there. One thing was sure to me– there are some smiles you see just once that stay with you, and I knew immediately that hers was one of those.
So much had happened in this brief encounter. I could see the beauty of innocence in my son, taking her hand but not understanding why she had extended it. I could see how his innocence made a beautiful connection and a connection that she genuinely appreciated, however momentarily it was. I also felt the harsh reality of life that leads people to sit on the ground and ask or beg others for help.
In the minutes after we waved and smiled goodbye I remember feeling so much at once. The beautiful feeling of seeing someone smile who may not have done so for awhile. The feeling of regret, of wondering why we (as a human race) can’t take better care of each other, and why so many people live with little or no hope. I also felt guilt, of having plenty but still not knowing what to do: Should I give her some money? What if she really needs it, or someone in her family really needs it? Would I give too little, or maybe even too much, encouraging her to continue to sit near the exhaust-filled street? In the end, though I regularly saw other familiar faces on our neighborhood streets, I never saw hers again, and I never know what happened to her.
As we get older and become more aware of misery, injustice and the many ways we fear and fail each other, it’s easy to become depressed, cynical, and apathetic. But this encounter reminded me that children are often our best teachers. And in our busy, busy lives, when it seems easier to become detached from others and to become overwhelmed by bad news and a general lack of hope, it’s good to be reminded that there’s much to be gained when we stop, or at least slow down, and let someone know that we care. Even if it’s just a smile, or a hug, or a handshake.
It’s rare to find market-maze in the U.S to wander through, observing people and momentarily feeling part of the community. How Kai took that woman’s hand, that was a pure child’s act, thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here my friend and sorry I didn’t reply until now. You’re absolutely right– we have so much to learn from our kids, and it makes me really happy to see all of the creative activities that you and your kids share together. My friend was just sharing that every day she writes down the things she is grateful for, and it made me think how cool of an activity this would be to do with our kids, even as a discussion each evening before going to bed. Sending lots of love to you, Nhi and the kids and really look forward to reuniting later this year.
Oh Brian, what a beautiful story. You were ment to be a writter & especially of stories like these. I know that you spent a lot of time composing this tale of how much we take for granted those who become imvisible to us. I do hope that a lot of people read your posts because they are really well thought out & touch everyones soul.
Your dad & I saw a young woman standing near an intersection on our way home from Olli classes. She was dressed in a worn coat & had only one leg. We gave her some money but latter we felt that we should have taken her to lunch & tried to help her more. When we would go past that intersection again we would look for her but we never saw her again. I know there are organizations to help people, but we never forgot her. Reaching out to hold someone or to give, not just a few dollars, but to let them know that we see them is so important. I was so touched by this story Brian. You are a special person. Love to you & Ako & Kai
Thanks so much Mutti ❤️ After a couple of months I read your comment here again this morning and your story about seeing the woman after your OLLI classes really touched me too. I also remember being at Findlay Market and meeting the young girl who was selling chocolate bars, and when she asked Dad if he wanted to buy one, he did and he bought it for her 😍 Then another woman seeing what dad did did the same. 💗💖 Being kind is really the most important thing we can do to make our world a better place. One small act of kindness at a time. I love you guys so much. Really hope you’re both happy and healthy and enjoying your OLLI classes. Look forward to talking again real soon. 😘😘
Brian your message above reminded me of a trip I made to Singapore where upon arriving I met a fellow GE Aviation Rep stationed there in 1980. He said he met some Russian men who were there to oversee the transformation of a Russian WWII Destroyer into a fishing boat. I went with him to meet them. O my God what an opportunity to meet America’s enemy. They spoke no English and we spoke no Russian and I met a man who looked exactly like Omar Sharif. He and I watched films (low quality) on a 30 yo projector of his wife and children. It was fascinating. He than presented me with the coffee mug representing the Olympic Games boycotted by the US. I in turn gave him a series of American bills. Later that evening we all met at the Reps condo and we drank Vodka and ate Kentucky Fried Chicken. He and I hugged for several minutes before they left late that night after we watched racy videos and communicated with each other with jesters and pictures. I suspected I would never meet him again, but, I was so happy that I met him and his beautiful family. He was no enemy and I would have enjoyed him as a neighbor.