“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. I’ve turned off the seat-belt sign which means you are now free to move about the cabin. However, for your safety, please keep your seat belt fastened when you are seated in case we encounter any unexpected turbulence.”
This announcement by the captain is the message I most look forward to after takeoff. Reaching cruising altitude means my nerves calm down considerably knowing we’ve entered the “comfort zone” of the flight. It signals that we’ll soon be served a beverage and a snack, followed by (on those longer flights) the first of a couple decent (fingers crossed!) meals. We almost always fly economy class, but on those rare occasions when we’ve scored business class, the level of anticipation and expectation is far greater knowing there’s an excellent chance of actually getting excellent food and beverage. One thing’s for sure: irrespective of which part of the plane we’re seated and even if I’ve just eaten before a flight, when the captain makes his cruising altitude announcement, my stomach starts acting like one of Pavlov’s dogs, grumbling in anticipation of whatever nourishment (chicken or beef) will soon be served.
While my top priority is usually on the choice of snacks and meals, my wife and son seem more interested in other things when reaching cruising altitude. Let’s start with my wife. After the seat belt sign is turned off, she focuses first on getting more comfortable, undoing her seatbelt (which, as a much more anxious flyer, I rarely do) and then lowering her seat just a bit while simultaneously putting a blanket over her legs. It should be noted that she’s a much more comfortable flyer than I; she has almost zero fear of turbulence wheareas I clutch my arm rests with the slightest of bumps, and she can sleep on flights, even turbulent ones, without a care in the world while I almost never get sleep on even the smoothest of flights.
Back to my wife: after she gets comfortable, she’ll usually either open her computer (to catch up on work), open her phone (to look through pictures), or open her seat pocket (to fetch and browse the in-flight magazine and duty-free catalogue). Not that she ever buys duty-free items, but looking through the catalogue has certainly become a ritual of ours over the years. Experience has taught us that duty-free selections are almost always the same (read: boring), but hey, you never know if a new item might just pop in there. Finally, after a careful review of the movie selections, my wife will start pressing the menu choices on the screen in front of her, commencing in-flight entertainment.
Long before she does this, and most often from the very moment he sits down, our son will be navigating his way through the on-screen menu, evaluating which games he will play and in what order before speeding through the kids section to choose what movies he’ll watch later. In fact for Kai and surely many other kids, the only thing that really matters on a plane is the quality of its in-flight entertainment system. Sure, the selection of food & beverage and even seat comfort might matter a bit more to him these days, but he’s still at that age (10) where almost every other thing– including legroom and quality of staff service– matter zilch compared to how good the games are and whether the remote control or touch screen is glitchy or not. And if it’s one of those short-haul flights or, God forbid, long-haul flights that don’t have a screen on the back of each seat, then there’s very little chance, at least for now, that Kai will evaluate the flight as anything above “disappointing.”
But even on those flights with great entertainment, it’s still our responsibility to balance our son’s time with different activities in the sky just as it is when we’re on the ground. But just as it is on Earth, the struggle is real. Knowing this fact, on every flight we always bring along one secret weapon– books. Our son really enjoys reading and although sometimes it’s more challenging for us to make the case for reading on a plane, a new long book that involves spies or other funny characters certainly can help. Sometimes the best airlines actually give kids a box of goodies and even drawing and quiz books (thank you Qatar, Emirates, and Turkish Airlines!) but we also always bring a notepad for Kai to doodle in as well. Then there’s the inevitable backup: a fixed amount of phone time. Oh, how tricky the word fixed can be!
But the most important thing parents must do on those long-haul flights to properly prepare their kid(s) for the next part of the journey? To convince her, him or them to get some sleep! I’m not exactly sure what’s the longest flight we’ve ever taken, but we regularly take flights lasting 8 to 14 hours, and when you arrive in a place where the time difference is just as many hours, there’s almost a survival instinct that kicks in and especially so for parents who know how important it is that their kid(s) not fall immediately asleep on arrival, especially when it’s still morning or afternoon. Your own jet lag is hard but the jet lag of your offspring is considerably harder to deal with.
Fortunately for us, Kai still remembers how much he struggled with jet lag on one particular to Japan, when he woke up and tried to carry on conversations with us from his futon at 2am, and then tried again at 3am, 4am, 5am… until the sun rose, and he knew that at least his grandma would be waking up. So giving up on us, he went downstairs to eat breakfast with his grandma around 6:30am, happily finished a bowl stuffed with his favorite fish eggs and rice, excitedly ran back upstairs to wake us up… and then proceeded to crash on his futon and sleep for the rest of the day. Indeed the saddest reality of a 2 week trip back home is that it can quickly get eaten up by days lost to jet lag and transit.
Now getting back to the sky. After all these years of flying, I still find the whole experience simultaneously exhausting and exhilarating. Let me touch a bit more on the challenges of flying before reflecting on the miracle that it still is.
If there’s one complaint you often here about air travel it’s that it’s really tiring, and the reality of having to sit in a cramped seat is tough, especially if you unluckily end up in the middle of a row. There’s no doubt that many of us simply feel, in varying degrees, uncomfortable in those cabins in the sky. Even on the huge Airbus A380 800 which can seat up to 853 passengers, there’s no denying that we can start to feel claustrophobic after being on a plane for hours on end, and the physical fatigue caused by being crunched in an economy seat is no joke, especially if you’re unlucky to get a passenger in front of you who quickly does the fullest possible recline of their seat. Making matters worse is if you happen to get a seat in front of you that inexplicably has a metal box hanging down from it, limiting the already limited space you have to try and spread out your legs. And don’t get me started on trying to figure out how get your neck in the right position to sleep! Now this is totally a different story if you are in first or business class, in one of those fully reclining seats. That’s pure bliss, and even I have no trouble getting into a deep sleep in these circumstances! But even after decades of flying in coach I still haven’t successfully figured how to get into a comfortable enough position for any significant amount of zzzzz’s. And oh how jealous I am as I peer through the side of my eye mask, watching my loved ones and seemingly everyone else on the plane snooze away.
To make matters even more challenging, especially for anxious travellers like me, is the fact that flying is not always smooth sailing, and I can’t count how many times my meal or movie was ruined because the plane started passing through an area of turbulence (or “rough air” as some airlines now call it, in an apparent bid to spell it out more clearly). Although I am not a screamer, I do attach my hands to the armrests with a super glue like grip, and I’m always amazed when I glance over at my wife and son who look completely calm during those “pockets” of rough air. Even with the bigger bumps, neither my wife nor son seems the slightest bit petrified, and I know for a fact that unlike me, neither closely examines the safety card in the front of their seat pocket. I remember clearly on one flight when Kai was 4 or 5 years old, we hit a bunch of really rough patches over the ocean, the kind that lead to audible gasps, and as I was saying silent prayers, my son was actually laughing, raising his hands into the air like he was on some kind of rollercoaster!! His beautiful laugh was a perfect distraction of course and his joyful and unfearful response definitely helped calm me down. It still didn’t prevent my arm from pinning him down in his seat with all my might.
Though maybe not true for everyone, I’m guessing most of us feel some vulnerability when we fly. There’s something about being nearly 7 miles up in the sky and not being in control of anything that makes us feel uneasy and anxious. When you really think about it, maybe for some it’s not so unlike the current situation with COVID-19. While the durations and the reasons for feeling vulnerable are completely different, there are some parallels with feeling cooped up or stuck in an aircraft and feeling cooped up in an apartment or home.
Now let me ask you a question: have you ever watched a movie on a plane and found yourself crying or even full-on sobbing? And maybe when you thought about it later on, you feel if you had watched the exact same movie at home or in a cinema, you might not have reacted as emotionally? Over the past decade or so there have been studies about why people may express more emotion while watching movies in the sky, and some initial analysis is that because we give up control when we’re in a plane and feel a considerable amount of stress when we fly (not to mention already feel stressed out by the time we get on board), our physiological defenses fall which in turn heightens our emotional responses, triggering tears mid-flight even when we may not have expected them.
There are possible physical explanations for this too given that dehydration is associated with symptoms like mood disturbances and fatigue which can also make a person more likely to feel sad or become tearful. Whatever the exact reasons, I’ve certainly cried more than once while watching an in-flight movie, and I’ll never forget being on a plane watching the movie Lion, based on a true story in which a young man adopted by an Australian couple returns to India 25 years later in search of his birth parents. By the ending of the film the floodgates of my eyes had opened up like Niagra Falls and I was balling, trying to hide my tears rather unsuccessfully with hands and my thin grey blanket. Maybe I would have also cried had I seen this movie in the theater, but I’m guessing my tears would not nearly have flowed as much or felt as intense.
Despite the stress and anxiety of flying, there are also some absolutely wonderful moments on board too. When cruising altitude has been reached and the captain says it’s safe to leave our seats, I get out of my seat (usually an aisle seat) fairly often. And no, it’s not just to use the lavatory! (By the way, why do we only use the word lavatory on planes?!) I don’t get up necessarily just to pick up an extra snack or two either, though I’ve certainly been known to do that. Actually I get up to walk and to stretch, but I also love to head to the emergency exit door. And why the emergency exit door you may wonder?
Don’t worry, I’m not doing this as some kind of safety-related ritual, though that’s not an entirely absurd idea. But being the guy who almost always sits in an aisle seat, I like to go to the emergency exit area and look out the small window near the center of the door. When you bend down and look through that small window you can get some pretty incredible perspective. The clouds alone can be just stunning if you take the time to watch them for a minute. And looking through the clouds and the views of lightness and darkness as the plane travels throughout its journey, I get glimpses into places I know I’ll never stop by in my lifetime. And I can’t help but wonder where I’m looking right now and who lives there, what lives there. What kind of place is it, and what does it look like? What does it feel like there, smell like there? So many mysteries in one view.
This to me is still one of the exhilarating parts of flying. It’s impossible to remember now the feelings I had on my first flights, when the experience of flying was new and undoubtedly free of fear or fatigue, but I get a glimpse into what I must have felt when I look outside the window at the gorgeous white puffy clouds, or the icy mountains, or the unending blueness of sea and sky, or the beautiful oranges, pinks and purples of the sun rising, or setting.
I linger there for awhile, taking it in. And I close my eyes with the intention of capturing that moment forever in my mind. And then I re-open my eyes for one last look before heading back to my seat.
And as I make my way back to my seat, the other miracle of flight reveals iself. It’s revealed in all the many different faces, some who look back at me, some who rest, some who are watching a movie, maybe with tears in their eyes. All the many stories they have that I’ll never know. All the reunions soon to be had, all the paths to be taken. All mysteries. But for now, we’re connected, all of us, as passengers and crew of this flight. Together, almost 7 miles up in the sky. And pretty soon, we’ll all be preparing for landing. Ready to go our separate ways.
And as I reach my row, I look over at the only two people I knew on this flight before we boarded it, and I can’t help but smile. Both are napping peacefully.
Wow! Brian,
This was the longest message you have put on your blog ever & one of the most enjoyable to read. I can completely relate to your experience of flying & especially when the seat belt sign goes off. Your dad would always say to me,” tell me when we reach V1″. That is when the plane reaches the speed that is necessary for takeoff. Off course, your father has so much experience in flying & in knowing how things can go wrong that I don’t, that my flying experiences have been more enjoyable.
We were heading home from Hawaii, flying out of Oahu when our plane started banking. I was unaware that this was happening. Your dad said that we are going back to Hawaii. He knew that the pilot was turning the plane around. Just then the pilot came on the speaker to let us know that we needed to return to Oahu. It seems that we were experiencing engine problems. Thank God that he came back to the airport because if we had gotten to far out, it would have been impossible for us to land. It seems that the distance between Hawaii & the continential United States is the longest area where, if a plane needs to land, it may have to try a water landing. Your dad’s experience working for G.E. has enabled us to have many memorable trips. Fortunately for us & everyone on the plane this experience had a very happy ending.
I still say some Our Fathers & Hail Marys when we fly, but I realize that flying is still a safe way to travel.
In ending this, I will just say, May all of your flights be great ones.
Love Mom
Thanks so much Mutti. I love what you share with each post too. How blessed I am to have you and Dad. I was just thinking about when you sent me off to Luxembourg at the gate…. Those days when they allowed non-fliers to be in the terminal. I tried hard not to cry but remember balling when I got to my seat. Love you guys so much, continue to stay healthy and happy.
Brian,
I love how you articulated the flying experiences. As you know I had a pilot licence in my early twenties for General Aviation (GA) flights and I was in a number of situations that were beyond scary. You are restricted to much lower altitudes and on short flights I could get not only scared but sick as well. Even prayers didn’t work.
The good news for you and your fabulous family is that future developed (next several years) commercial airplanes will have carbon composite cabins Vs Aluminum. Thus far greater strength and they are lighter. The extra strength will allow for greater cabin air and that will reduce / eliminate the ill effects of jet lag. Lighter will enhance fuel performance. Gosh it just keeps getting better. Technology rules.
Thanks dad for your comments on each of my posts. I especially loved reading this and learning more about your pilot’s license as well as all the upcoming innovations that will make flying safer and easier for generations to come. I am grateful that you’ve been our aviation guru all of these years. And I can’t wait to hear you share your students’ reactions when you teach your class at UC… I’m sure you are going to educate and stimulate everyone’s interest in aviation too. Hope you and Mutti continue to stay healthy and happy.
I could hear the ding of the seatbelt sign going off and the rumbling of rough air. I felt the anticipation walking the aisle to the emergency exits for that peek into the beautiful mystery of the cloud kingdom. My stomach is now grumbling a bit and I’m feeling that restlessness as I want to prepare my space to receive the mystery meal. There may have even been a tear or two welling up from the nostalgia you’ve invoked (my mind’s eye
in flight movie). It’s been 5 months since I’ve flown, the longest pause in more than a decade. You’ve exposed yet another subculture that exists for those who make those frequent jaunts across oceans and continents. I’m glad we’re in that same travel tribe, thanks for sharing and curing a bit of my twisted travel homesickness!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts my friend! Love how you articulated this and had a good laugh thinking of all those “mystery meals” too! 😃 Continue to enjoy Alaska and thanks too for sharing what you see and experience there… vicariously soaking it all in! I look forward to seeing you in Thailand when that good day finally comes and sharing stories pau hana style. Aloha brah!
This is just gorgeous, Brian; thank you for expressing this so beautifully! I think you’re absolutely right that this is an apt metaphor. We’re all in this together. Some of us might be white-knuckle clutching the seat rests while others are blissfully snoozing away, and yet others are engrossed in a story, and others are on the brink of a panic attack. We’re all on this crazy scary flight together and we all have different ways of dealing with it. Thank you for sharing this and for all of your lovely blog posts! I’m sending you all so much love. ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks so much sweetheart, I love what you’ve shared here too. The additional insights I’ve gained from readers taking the time to comment here has definitely been the best unintended benefit of this blog! If there’s anything I’ve learned about air travel, given all the stress involved both on the ground and in the sky, it’s to give everyone around you a really big extra dose of compassion. And a gigantic dose to those staff who have to deal every day with people who are agitated or fed up by this stress and take it unfairly out on them. I know given your experience in the hotel service industry you can totally relate to this! Thanks again for taking the time to read and engage… I love you oodles!