Is this young boy giving something to the monk, or getting something from him? I asked my son this question, and he wisely knew the answer is both. The young boy here is giving food to the monk and in return, the boy is making merit. Buddhists have been giving alms to monks for centuries but it’s not done for charity as it might be perceived, nor are the offerings ever money.
Most men in Thailand will enter monastic life and become ordained monks at some point in their life, and the vast majority do so before getting married. But most will be monks only temporarily, for ordinations of a week to three months. As with other faiths, there’s a lot of learning and spiritual growth to be gained during this period, and by giving up certain things, there are other things to be gained.
Our trio has been living abroad now for 10 years in a row, in four countries– Myanmar, Nepal, Egypt and Thailand. In that time we’ve been blessed in so many ways, including being graciously welcomed in each place despite our inability to speak the local language, and gaining friends from very different cultural and religious backgrounds than our own, creating many wonderful and powerful opportunities to learn about other people and ourselves.
We’ve also made many sacrifices in this time too, including not having a permanent place to hang our hats and having to say goodbye too often to friends, some just before leaving one country for the next. But the most difficult challenge we face is being away from our families and friends back home, or homes.
The distance between my hometown and my wife’s is 10,525 kilometers (6,540 miles), and since we’ve been living in places in between the two, we’ve had to not only take long transatlantic & transpacific journeys to get to each home, but we’ve also had to juggle holiday schedules to make each trip work, never getting close to satisfied with the amount of time we have in either place. We especially miss our parents and our siblings, just being physically present with them and breaking bread together, taking a walk in the park or just down that old familiar street. Even just falling asleep next to them while trying to binge watch a show. Even though we can Skype and Messenger chat, those tricky time differences can get in the way. Funny enough, I was just recently reflecting on those advertisements when I was younger, when the phone company AT&T would ask us to “reach out and touch someone.” While a nice sentiment, it’s also cruel. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way but there are so many times I wish that I could just beam myself home and give my folks and sisters a big bear hug.
In fact the give and take of living abroad is not unique; all of us struggle with the give and take of life, of balancing our time with the things we want to do and have to do, of trying to be fully present here while wanting to be there, especially when the “there” is in the past. I guess the reason I felt compelled to share this reflection with you today is that I do love living a life outside of my own country with my wife and son, and I’m incredibly grateful for the friends we’ve made, the experiences we’ve had and the beautiful places we’ve seen. But like everything, there’s a give and take, and it’s challenging, and sometimes it’s downright frustrating, and while all of us from time to time try to frame the picture perfect postcard, it’s usually a lot LOT messier in real life. And that’s ok. In fact, it’s much healthier when you realize and accept that everything is really a mixed bag. So while we are concerned about the air quality of Bangkok and the uncertainty of the coronavirus, we are also now enjoying dips in the pool, excellent inexpensive foot massages and a fun reunion with a friend.
This is beautiful and oh so relatable, even as someone who has never lived abroad for an extended time. I find myself wishing so hard and so often that I could beam myself to you, mom and dad, and Karen. I’m always thinking of you and Ako and Kai and, while it’s tough to be far away physically, I’m so grateful for our closeness in other ways. This is a good reminder as well to set up somewhat regular Skype or messenger dates with you all!!! Thank you writing this and sharing your earnest thoughts with the world. I love you and the rest of the global trio so very much!!!! I’m looking forward to the next time we can fall asleep on the couch trying to binge watch a show. <3 better yet, when we can be in Thailand together!!!! 😀
Thanks so much Jenny!! This means a lot and you mean so much to me!! ❤️ I CAN’T WAIT to host you here. You’re gonna find this place so interesting and fun and different, and l’m already picturing your gorgeous smile and hearing your infectious laugh as we find wonder & comedy in the beautiful and the bizarre! 😍😃
Dear Brian,
I am so delighted to read your comments. Life can be hard, but it can also be wonderful & exciting. You are so good at discribing the atmosphere in all the countries that you have traveled to. I recall a phone call from you when you were working in Japan for the JET program. You were calling to say that you didn’t want to stay any longer & really missed home. I understood how you felt, even though I had never lived abroad. I tried to help you understand how lucky you were to have the opporitunity to travel to a beautiful & distant country like Japan & that this was the chance of a life time. A chance that few people ever get. I remember telling you that coming home might mean that you would be working at G.E. park again & we both laughed at that. Of course we both knew that you would always rise to the top. Cream always rises to the top and you are pure cream. You did stay & we were very lucky to be able to see you in Furukawa (meaning Old River).
A lot has changed since then & you have grown into a well adapted person who can take on any enviroment, including third world countries & situations that require a lot of diplomacy. You are the man, as the expression goes & we are so proud of you & your beautiful family. Ako is amazing & is so accomplished. Kai is quite accomplished at just about everything especially adapting to new enviroments at such an early age.
I know that the world can be scary at times, but your whole family loves you & you will never ever have to think that you may have to work at G.E. park again. Ha! Ha!, just had to add a little humor.
LOVE ALL OF YOU A BUNCH Mutti, Gugu, Ping Pong Goddess.
Hi Mutti, I absolutely love what you shared here. I remember talking with you about this and all those mixed emotions I felt as I loved Japan but hated being apart. Your GE Park reference made me laugh out loud and brought a huge smile to my face! 😆😘 I still remember trying to cram study Japanese in the front gate booth and also remember my shock to discover that in Japan nobody sounded anything like the tapes I was listening too 😂😂 Thanks so much for all of your and dad’s support and love over the years as you’ve watched that timid boy who was too shy to go play with his friend next door grow into a big boy who traverses the world with his family. Oh what a wonderful and wild (or should I say bizarre!) ride it’s been 😁😍 Love you soooooo much!! Thanks for always following me and guiding me too.
You offer a gift to all who read your essays. I feel it is rather like the alms given to the monks with nothing expected in return. The “global trio” sets an example, based on my limited time spent knowing you in person, of how to live life to the fullest. While Ako continues her work with UNHCR & you teach a 3rd effort is happening concurrently. That is an ambassadorship not necessarily as Japanese & Americans & Kai, the beautiful blend of both. You 3 have become ambassadors of the world! You share yourselves, what you learned as you traverse this planet & leave your temporary homes, always leaving examples of what tolerance, allowing one’s mind to open to new experiences & cultures, & leaving a mark where you have been. I say that because all who come to know your global trio cannot help but feel love & gratitude for having had the privilege.
Thanks so much Heather, what you shared here really touched my heart. We met at the most important time of my and Ako’s lives, when we were welcoming our little Kai into the big world, and your kindness and warm smile made more of a difference than you may know ❤️ We will never forget our time at Third Square– it’s really where it all began after all. And we are so grateful you were there while we were too. Thank you for being here as well on my blog and for faithfully following our adventures vis a vis Facebook. I can’t wait for our next reunion in the North End! Have to make that happen again. Lots of love from our trio to you and Skye! 😍😻
Tons of dirt are sifted to find ounces of gold.
Thanks for reading Glen! Couldn’t agree more.
Oh Brian, what an amazing gift you are to so many people near and far! I miss seeing your smile and hearing your wonderful karaoke voice in person (together with Gui, of course!). I loved reading this and am so excited to read your next post. You have been so courageous and have touched so many lives in your journey, as I’m sure your whole ‘trio’ has… I have never met Ako or your son, Kai, apart from Facebook, so will hope that we can all meet in the future, as I’m always sharing your wonderful posts with my partner (who is Japanese American, from Boston) and he is equally impressed with you all. I am so happy that you are taking the time to reflect on the opportunities and also challenges that you have living internationally (it’s so YOU) and am very appreciative of all that you selflessly offer to others, to help provide understanding and community. You have a real gift! As a fellow midwesterner (remember I’m from IA and they always get our states mixed up!) I may be a bit biased, but I have always recognized that you are the ‘cream of the crop,’ and I love that you are doing this project, to help us all be more connected and understand other cultures. I know it must be tough living so far from ‘genetic’ family and I also know that for you, your family is wherever you go…as you always make friends easily. thank you again for providing this post and insight, and I am wishing you and your family all the best in lovely Thailand!
Ditto on what your mother said. You are such a gifted writer and person and we love you so much.