This is the only picture I have of a lovely woman who sold fruit every morning on the street where we live in Bangkok. I wish I knew her name but unfortunately I never asked. When I talked with family or friends about her, I referred to her as “the pomelo lady” because I bought pomelo from her almost every morning, and she consistently sold the sweetest and most affordable pomelo in town.
Some folks may not be familiar with pomelo… I hadn’t heard of it before I moved to Thailand. Pomelo (called “som-o” in Thai) is actually the largest of the citrus fruits and its botanical name is, very appropriately, citrus maxima. Native to Southeast Asia, pomelo is the larger ancestor of the grapefruit and it looks a lot like one. But pomelos are not as round and have more of a pear shape. A pomelo contains more protein and Vitamin C than a grapefruit and is also a good source of dietary fiber. Taste wise, pomelos are usually sweeter than grapefruits, and my wife and I love to eat pomelo after dinner as a dessert. In Thailand pomelo salad is also a popular and delicious dish, mixing pomelo with coconut, dried shrimp, peanuts, herbs and a dressing that has a bit of kick.
But while pomelo is both nutritious and delicious, pomelo can be a tricky fruit to buy because it doesn’t contain nearly as much natural juice as a grapefruit. When a pomelo is too dry, it’s not especially tasty. So that’s why I bought pomelo from the lady down the street. The pomelo she sold was always sweet and delicious, and at 50 Thai baht ($1.50) per pack, her pomelo was considerably cheaper and tastier than the ones sold in the supermarket or even at local markets. This is one of her packs:
I first started buying pomelo from the pomelo lady about a year ago. Because the weather in Thailand is often hot (and I mean really, really hot), many folks will buy and sell things early in the morning when the heat is less oppressive. That’s also when I take runs at the park and how I first met her. The pomelo lady would set up her crates full of different fruits (not just pomelo) every morning around 5:30 a.m. By 7:45 a.m., she usually had sold out of everything and would leave her spot in front of a used clothing store by 8.
The pomelo lady was really nice and I made sure to say hello to her every morning, even on the days that I didn’t buy pomelo. Because of my very limited Thai, we only talked about the weather and the quality of her pomelo, which I always praised by saying “aroi mak!” (delicious!) She smiled and always prepared 2 packs of pomelo for me, and on days when there were a bunch of packs left, she made a clear effort to choose the two sweetest looking packs for me. My order was so consistent that I wondered if the pomelo lady had nicknamed me the pomelo guy… 🙂
On one particular morning, I came by and the pomelo was already sold out. She apologized and I could tell that she felt bad there wasn’t any left. I said “mai pen rai” (no worries) but she apologized again and told me that she would have some for me tomorrow.
When the next morning came, I got out a little bit later than the day before and walked towards her spot on the street. From my vantage point on the sidewalk, I glanced down at the trays that covered the tops of her crates, but I didn’t see any pomelo again. I instinctively thought that I should just keep walking and not bother her, but she happened to catch my glance, said “Sawasdee ka!” (hello) and motioned for me to come. She then lifted up a tray from one of the crates, revealing two packs of pomelo that she kept inside.
How kind of her!, I remember thinking. I was just touched that she saved the pomelo for me and I said thanks a few times with a big smile on my face. I was sure that she must have saved two of the sweetest looking packs for me as well.
From that point on, I knew I was guaranteed pomelo every morning. But I also realized that she would be saving pomelo for me on days that I wouldn’t be able to get there for whatever reason. I tried to get there every day, but there were days I just couldn’t make it. So I started to tell her when I knew I couldn’t make it the next day, or when I was planning to take a holiday, pointing at the calendar on my phone to indicate what dates I’d be away. I remember thinking at one point how funny it was that the only person outside of family and close friends to know my travel schedule was the pomelo lady.
Then on one particular morning in early February, I didn’t see her at her usual spot. I thought she might have just taken the morning off. But she wasn’t there the next morning either, so I thought she might be traveling. A few more days passed, but she still didn’t return. It wasn’t a public holiday period so I started to think, maybe she caught COVID? Or maybe a family member or friend caught COVID and she was isolating?
Another week passed and she hadn’t returned so I began to worry a little bit more. Maybe she had a death in the family? Then a week became a couple of weeks. And a couple more weeks. Maybe she moved her business elsewhere? But her business seemed to be going so well so I doubted that she moved. Or maybe she just decided to stop the business altogether? Or maybe she moved away from Bangkok…
It’s been over three months now and I still haven’t seen her. And at this point, I’m guessing that I won’t see her again. She worked alone and I don’t know her name or phone number so there isn’t any way to check up on her. Recently I thought, maybe I can have a Thai friend ask the nearby vendors if they know what happened to her? I do have that one picture of her. Maybe someone would recognize her and know what happened? Might be a stretch but you never know.
But it’s likely that I’ll never know. And that is a lesson of impermanence. We all know that everything in life— events, emotions, people— is impermanent. But sometimes it’s so hard to accept that fact. That’s why we talk about wanting to freeze time. And that’s why we mentally take photographs of something special or magical that’s happening right before my eyes, whether it’s a gorgeous sunset or a special moment we wanna hold in our hearts forever.
Indeed someday the street we live on now, and the place we wake up every morning, will be a memory. So will all the people we hang out with and the people we see everyday, like the pomelo lady. We will hope for another chance to say hello, or have a nice long chat. To see someone’s smile, or hear their voice. To hold that special person in your arms again one more time.
Everything is indeed impermanent. People and places come and go. But we also shouldn’t forget that the kindness and love we give, and the kindness and love we receive, are here now. These acts and moments of kindness and love are ready to be shared, and ready to be soaked up as well.
So be generous with kindness. Be generous with your love. And receive both with a grateful heart.